To, not For

I recently heard a sermon where the Pastor made this statement,

"Parent's are responsible to their children, not for their children."

I had never heard the distinction before, though I have considered the implications. I am responsible to my sons, to raise them in grace, with the knowledge of God's grace, with an awareness of sin. I am responsible to my sons, to teach them how to clean their room, to read them books, to show them how to be kind to others, to discipline them when needed, to disciple them. But I am not responsible for my sons. I am not responsible for how they choose to behave as adults, I am not responsible for their walks with God, their standards, or their decisions.

If I fulfill my responsibility to my children, it is enough. If I take responsibility for my children, then my success in life depends on theirs. Then my purpose is to make good people, and if they turn out badly, I have failed. If they make me fail (by making horrible decisions, or getting a tattoo, or doing anything else I don't like), then they become my enemy. Then I must control them, so that I can be successful. Then they answer to me, and I answer to God for them.

Believing that I am responsible for my children (and by extension their success/life choices) is a dangerous thing, and will kill the potential for a truly healthy relationship.