What I'd Love to Do

I was contemplating tonight, what would I love to do if I weren't currently occupied 24/7 with raising two wonderful little children... I think I've identified my idealish jobs.

1) Become a clothier at a polished women's clothing establishment.

Why? Because I absolutely Love making women feel beautiful. Love it. Adore it. I love seeing beauty and calling it, and I would just be in heaven if I could make women feel beautiful and wonderful about themselves for hours and hours every day.


2) Write an advice column.

I'm smart, and I have good advice for people, and I often look at things from a slightly different angle than others. Plus it would be fun. And sometimes, I could yell at people about how STUPIDLY they are behaving and not ruin any friendships. I think that might be cathartic.


3) Be a counselor or therapist.

I love people, I really, Really love people. I love learning about them, about their interests and their lives and what makes them tick. I love people. I love analyzing the *why*, the motivations behind actions. I love studying personality types, birth order, family histories, religious backgrounds... any and everything that goes into making a person who they are. Things that form a person's character and perspectives. Things that give me a clue as to why people think as they think and do as they do. I love identifying with people, finding a common ground. And I just love love love helping people. Let me poke and prod and study and dig deeper, and then think and ponder and roll things over, and then please please Please let me tell you what I think!!

I don't really know that I ought to be a counselor, because the more life I live and the more I learn, the more my perspectives- and therefore my counsel- change. The more I learn about God, wow, the more my understanding of the world changes. But then, I guess this is what happens with everyone, even psychiatrists... so at the least I would be in educated company :)


That's all. A post about three things I would love to do, and why. The end!

To, not For

I recently heard a sermon where the Pastor made this statement,

"Parent's are responsible to their children, not for their children."

I had never heard the distinction before, though I have considered the implications. I am responsible to my sons, to raise them in grace, with the knowledge of God's grace, with an awareness of sin. I am responsible to my sons, to teach them how to clean their room, to read them books, to show them how to be kind to others, to discipline them when needed, to disciple them. But I am not responsible for my sons. I am not responsible for how they choose to behave as adults, I am not responsible for their walks with God, their standards, or their decisions.

If I fulfill my responsibility to my children, it is enough. If I take responsibility for my children, then my success in life depends on theirs. Then my purpose is to make good people, and if they turn out badly, I have failed. If they make me fail (by making horrible decisions, or getting a tattoo, or doing anything else I don't like), then they become my enemy. Then I must control them, so that I can be successful. Then they answer to me, and I answer to God for them.

Believing that I am responsible for my children (and by extension their success/life choices) is a dangerous thing, and will kill the potential for a truly healthy relationship.

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It's 12:01 and All is Well

Jonathan and I celebrated 5 years of marriage on March 5th of this year. We went to DC for 2 days and 1 night and had an incredible time just Being together. My wonderful parent's kept the kids for us :) 

Here are a few of the pics from our trip (actually, here are all but 3 pictures from our trip, excluding the ones we tried to take before going to dinner). 

I think this ^ one is my favorite from the trip :)

We had an incredible anniversary dinner at a great restaurant. I forget the name at the moment but it was wonderful. The dessert was complimentary and such a special surprise <3 everything="" fabulously="" was="" yummy="">

 Or maybe this ^ one. 

Easter Sunday was a beautiful day, though not quite as beautiful as the day before. Here are my husband and second born son (Stinker Boy), in front of our elder son (Big Guy)'s classroom.

Get a load of this little man! 

 Daddy and Son. Look at my boy's eyes! 

The following is a series of photos, documenting our attempts at a family "Easter" photo...

This ^ may be the best attempt

Okay Big Guy, open your eyes!

Stinker Boy- LOOK AT THE CAMERA!

Running in the halls

After church we changed them into jammies for their naps. For the longest time Big Guy has refused to sleep in anything other than pajamas, and this day Stinker Boy decided that he agreed.

Showing Daddy the Easter Egg Chocolates :)

 I have not blogged in some time, but I really want to start again. Enjoy the pics in the mean time! :D

Charming Little Girl...

Well I've been watching a lot of old family videos today and yesterday (my parents are burning them to DVD, and they've been playing non-stop since the project began).

I've been shocked. Amazed. In disbelief.

I had No Idea what a charming, delightful, feminine, sensitive, beautiful little girl I was. I have always known that I am different. The words I would generally use to describe myself, especially as a child, would be loud, awkward, stubborn. My laugh was (is) loud- I didn't know how beautiful it was. People have commented on my giggle for as long as I can remember- I didn't realize it was in such a good way. I heard words like "passionate" and "full of life" as code for "obstinate" and "obnoxious." I have been wrong. Those words that people used- meant to sound like good things- really Were Good things.

I thought I was a large child. I have no idea why I thought that- my frame was long, delicate, and graceful. I had a soft, sweet voice that spoke kind and gentle words. When I got really excited and couldn't contain myself it was a delightful, joyful expression of a beautiful soul.

Obviously I wasn't a perfect child (I have to assume ;-)), but I had no idea until today how lovely a little girl I was. I cried. The heart that I have known was beautiful (I know it because I know the passion that I had for God and the tremendous love and open trust I have always had for people) was not hidden beneath an obnoxious exterior as I had thought it was. People have told me that I was delightful (my Mother included- all the time!), but I didn't know it was true.

I love that God let me see myself as He has seen me- as I was and as I am. Lovely.

Itching Fingers

So I'm desperate to blog- I've got itching fingers... now I just need to come up with something profound to say.

Children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward! I'm beginning to see what this means- just beginning, mind you, but it is amazing.

Baby #2 appears to be thriving. "He" is squirming and kicking so much, and it thrills me every time I feel him move. Because of the potential for complications (due to my diabetes) I have a pre-natal with full ultrasound every 4 weeks. I love seeing the little person in there! (He just moved). It also draws me to pray for safety for the little one as long term effects of multiple ultrasounds on a pre-born child is largely unstudied. Being a parent takes so much faith!

Jonathan David is the most precious child currently walking the earth. His golden locks curl delightfully around his porcelain face, perfectly framing his open, pure blue eyes and flushed pink lips and cheeks. His dark, curled lashes are as long as mine, adding to his effortless perfection.
He bestows love without reserve, and receives love without fear. He is unafraid. He is pleased with himself, and unashamed of his needs. He assumes you will love him- not because of what he has done or who he is but because, well, why wouldn't you?

No wonder that God tells us to come to Him like little children, for, "of such is the Kingdom of Heaven." Let us receive God's love, because that is all we have ever known from Him. Make your needs known to God without shame- He will provide for you! Be pleased with who you are- He has made you and is pleased with you! We have done nothing to make God love us, so let us receive His love with joy- there is nothing we can do to lose it!

I am now inspired to write, but I think I would do better to compose more than one post for all the swirling inspiration :-)

Joyful

So I haven't mentioned this here yet, but- we're having another baby!

I'm 13 weeks and 2 days along. I have an appointment with my high-risk Dr. on the 5th, and am praying that everything is well with the little one.

This morning when I woke up I laid my hand on my tummy (I was lying on my back). To my shock and delight I could feel EXACTLY where the little one was! He (or she) was curled up in a ball below and to the left of my belly button. He was Right There! I could cup my hand over the bundle of joy and feel nearly all the way around him. I called Jonathan over, and he could distinctly feel the baby as well. It was so wonderful! I was suddenly struck with curiosity, so I pulled my head and shoulders up (remaining on my back) to look at my tummy- sure enough there was a bulge on my lower left side, a good inch and a half higher than the right! These things do make me happy :-)

I am a joyful mother.

On Turning 27

First of all, I would like to say that I believe 27 to be a most beautiful number. In separating myself from years past and years to come I am not at all apprehensive on turning this age. I think answering "twenty seven" to the question of my age will be a delightful experience.

I was distraught, yesterday, at the prospect of adding a number to my official years. I really and truly do not like the idea of aging. it gives me a sense of urgency to DO something, to ACCOMPLISH something so that I can somehow validate my time and existence. I always feel like I haven't done enough, and therefore have not earned another year or, worse yet, that I have wasted one.

This morning, though, my husband took me out to breakfast. We went to Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel is a very grown-up place to breakfast (from the look of our fellow diners, perhaps a little too "grown up" for our current ages ;-)). While waiting (25 minutes) for our meals to be served, Jonathan asked me about my last year. In his words, "How's it been?"

That question got me thinking. And talking. And as I was talking, I understood better what I was thinking. Those of you who know me understand. :-) I have had an amazing year. Better yet, I have a remarkable life. This year, I have raised a son. Of course this is a process which is just beginning, but one that brings a tremendous amount of joy and satisfaction. I have learned so much about God and even about myself as I have given my love, time, and energies to this precious little one. He has bright, clear blue eyes and blond locks that curl at the ends. He has porcelain skin, rosy lips and cheeks, and long, dark eyelashes. Seriously, is there any better combination for a little child?

This year, I have better learned who I am as a woman. I am very happy about these discoveries. I've just begun the book "Captivating," which I have owned for about 4 years and stoutly resisted (don't tell me who I am, thank you- you've never met me). I cannot wait to read more. Guess what? I AM Beautiful! I really am. And I am worth discovering, and I am worth fighting for, and I am worth protecting, and I am captivating and deep and wonderful right down to the core of who I am. Realizing that it is ok not only to want these things, but to Be these things, to Know these things about myself is very liberating. How foolish for a powerful and valorous and masculine man to attempt to hide his manliness- that is who he is. How foolish for a beautiful, captivating, fascinating, compassionate and wonderful woman to attempt to hide her qualities- much more to even deny them to herself. They describe who she is. Who I am. Wow, how amazingly wonderful to know.

This year, I have learned again what amazing friends I have. Really, truly amazing friends of the highest possible caliber. Friends who encourage me when I am distraught. Friends who laugh with me when I am silly. Friends who drink coffee (or tea) at Starbucks with me. Friends who are willing to work through misunderstandings because they value me as a person, and they value our friendship. Friends who keep high standards for themselves as persons. Male friends who are gentlemen, respectful, moral, and masculine. Female friends who are strong, gentle, intelligent, and feminine. I am amazed at people I know and honored by those who have chosen me as one of their friends.

My husband is an incredible man, and I am an enviable woman. Some think we are an odd match. Sometimes I am some :-). He is strong and kind, intelligent and reserved, determined and committed. He lives on the moral high ground. He set his camp there long ago and has since laid his foundation and built his house. He invited me to move in and together we are making it our home. The man I married always, Always, Always does what is right, no matter the cost. I could not have more respect for him. He wants to know me and understand me. He desires to love me how I need to be loved, so he has made it his mission to find my hearts desire and give it to me. Seriously, ladies- could I ask for anything more?

I am altogether beautiful, altogether blessed, altogether lovely and altogether loved. Thank you all for your love and friendship on my 27th birthday!

Love,
Shannon